WOW… can’t believe I am just now writing this. I think it took 2 months to write it out because I was still processing it all. As you have seen on my instagram, I got engaged on December 21, 2019 to my fiance I have been dating for almost 6 years now!
While I have always known I was going to marry him, it was easy to keep pushing it back. I kept saying I wasn’t ready and I don’t even know why I would say that or why I felt that was but actually now I do know. CHANGE- I put off change. I don’t like change. However, I don’t like change because of fear of the unknown but once I am pushed into change I feel okay… but I need that push. I remember a few days before getting proposed to I told my fiance not to do it soon I wasn’t ready. I think he knew I needed that push. That is what I love most about him (even though I don’t want to admit it) that he pushes me out of my comfort zone. God knew I couldn’t be with someone like me or we would always play it safe with no change!
Let’s get to the day of…. one of my really good friends asked me to get our nails done because she said her fiance’s family always has cute Christmas nails and she wanted hers done for Christmas. So I was like oh totally I will go with you ( I am the girl that does not get her nails done unless its for something special). Little did I know my fiance had coordinated that plan with her! While getting our nails done, she asked my fiance and I to go to dinner with her and her fiance that night. We agreed and after getting our nails done I went home and got ready (she told me it was a nice restaurant so I made sure to look fixed nice!)
My fiance showed up to my place to pick me up and we drove to the area the restaurant was at. This was during Christmas time so there was a lot of amazing Christmas lights and these huge lit up presents at Legacy West Shops in Frisco, Texas. We parks on the other end of the street because he wanted to see the lights, usually that is me who wants to so I was happy! As we are walking past the huge present he goes let’s get our picture, me being me goes “no no no”. I am so awkward with getting in the way to people (very crowded area of Frisco) and there was a photographer in there that looked like she was taking group pictures of people. He goes “come on please” so I was like okay real quick because I was worried about being late to dinner with our friends. The photographer goes ” okay your prints will be done in about 20 minutes or so once we are done” and before we could take a picture my fiance goes “there’s more surprises to tonight and said I love you and want to marry you” got down on one knee and asked me to marry him and I blacked out haha. Okay, I didn’t actually black out but you know that feeling of like you don’t remember what just happened! Then he goes by the way we aren’t going to dinner with them and I was like what!! Then all of a sudden my family shows up and his family (who live out of town) show up and I am just crying!
IT IS OKAY TO PROCESS EMOTIONS AND EXPERIENCES DIFFERENT THAN HOW YOU ARE “SUPPOSED” TO.
For example, I was immediately hit with fear after. I didn’t want to see my dad sad I kept saying is dad sad. I am such a daddy’s girl and I hate growing up. If it was up to me I would be a little kid forever. It felt in that moment like my childhood was over, I don’t know just a weird feeling! I was so shaky. I was so happy because my fiance truly is an amazing person. It was just the change and overstimulation. I didn’t even know why I was crying!! We all went to eat. It felt like so much at first. So many thoughts.
Afterwards, my fiance had another surprise we showed up to a place where all my favorite people were to surprise and celebrate us! It was a lot to take in.
The next day I felt so weird I actually passed out. Sometimes this happens to me when I get overstimulated. My point of this post is that it’s okay if you are not happy when you “should” be or excited when you “should” be. It is okay if you process moments differently than others.
Throughout this wedding process I am going to do a lot of blog posts on all things wedding to make planning/the process STRESS FREE. I know the feelings and especially when you struggle with anxiety… it can feel like A LOT. I would love to give you guys a place to plan a wedding all in one click with all the amazing companies and vendors I can find! Help you stress less for your wedding.. I hope you enjoy my #weddingwednesday blog posts. If you want to see anything specific let me know!